The purpose of life, is a life of purpose

New year; new thoughts

2012-02-02T10:12:00.008-05:00

The end of the year has come and gone. The new year is here. Fast and Furious. And most of us have plotted and planned what 2012 might look like. We're picking words for our best intentions and at the same time we're looking back at the year behind us; reflecting on our proudest moments as well as those we let slip through our fingers.

I feel myself a little in limbo as I am looking both back and forward. I want to give the past year it's due respect; to fully honor it and make a mental note of how far I've come. How far my kids have come. And yet I am starting to plan for what Feb, March, even July will bring. Each month being a strong stepping stone to the next chapter; I want to be really ready for it.

With all that, I am recalling all the many seemingly two-sided debates we grapple with in our daily lives. Two sides of the story. Now or later. Empty or full. Sunrise or sunset. Inside, outside (or upside down.)

Or, sometimes. We prefer a happy meduim. Maybe these choices we wrestle with are more about striking a harmonious balance. Whatever your angle, there is no denying the many sides.

Cheers to a new way of looking at things today!

Judging and Discerning

2011-07-14T14:55:00.004-04:00

The other day I published a brief post, with a small mentioning that our children were away for the week. Away at a beloved summer camp. One that has been in existance for 75 years. One that apparently has been recongnized as an elite summer camp (news to me.) After conversing with a fellow co-worker about said camp and all of the 'plans' husband and I had for our kid-free week, the conversartion took a turn. A turn I wasn't prepared for. A turn that marked, well, a turning point.

"You send your kids to a private camp in the summer and a private acedemy during the school year, must be nice to live such a charmed life." Really? Nice curveball. Frankly, I could anticipate being judged for my decision to send my kids to private school, but camp? Seriously?

I'm still trying to connect the dots of how a benign conversation goes from an exchange of weekly plans; a plate of summer happenings, if you will, to this. To a conversation about whether I am doing my children a disservice by wanting them to have more choices in there education. More responsiveness.

So, I wonder. Am I spoiling my kids or just loving them?

And so I muse....

"I guess I assumed that when it comes to life and parenthood we all do things differently, that there are many legitimate and contrasting ways to approach existence and child-rearing.

How silly of me. How silly of me to not see this coming, this visceral and predictable reaction to my words.

Today I am thinking about judgment and whether it can be avoided. I’m not sure it can. As humans, we have the ability to reason and to judge. It is these very critical faculties that define us as a species. We would not survive a day in the world without the capacity to judge – whether a person is trustworthy, an action is safe, etc. To put it very simply (too simply, I reckon) to live is to judge.

Fine. But what about moral judgments? What about judgments about the way other people carry themselves and speak to others and raise their children? What about judgments about things that are not black and white and obvious, but exquisitely gray in essence? What about judgments about areas as complex as choice, as amorphous as affection? What about these kinds of judgment?

I don’t pretend to know all the answers. It may turn out that these judgments are rooted in who we are as people or who we were taught to be. I imagine this is the case. But don’t we also have discretion? Isn’t discretion a kind of judgment? Isn’t it up to us which judgments we articulate and which ones we keep to ourselves, tucked safely in our whirring minds? I think so. I know so.

And when is it okay to voice our moral judgments? Again, I only have a few clues. But I think this is an important question. One worth thinking about. Particularly as it relates to very sensitive topics like parenting.

Parenthood is a messy and treasured land. For the most part, we all live in this land with good intentions. We adore our children and want what’s best for them. We hope that our kids are happy and healthy and safe and grow up to be the same. Every day is an exercise in effort toward these important ends. And we all take different paths toward these more singular goals, don’t we? Some of us stay home. Some of us go to an office. Some of us home school. Some of us send our kids to private, some to public.

No mater what your choice. It's yours to make. Yours to live with. But one thing we can agree on is we all work for this decision.

Because parenthood? It’s work. Incredibly important and intangible work. Work that compels us and confuses us. Work that makes us cheer and makes us cry. Work that is never ever over.

And so. I’m not sure this post has a tidy point, but that’s okay. These words – it turns out – are as murky as the topics they tangle. And perhaps that’s appropriate.

If there’s a message here, maybe it’s that we are human and fallible and that we are wired to make judgments. Perhaps it is up to us to step back and evaluate our own judgments when and if they come. To pick them apart a bit and try to discern their origins. In the end, I think harsh judgments are unfortunate and fracturing and, for the most part, spring from insecurity. None of us are perfect.

Maybe just maybe, it behooves us to realize that we are all really more alike than we are different. That we are all trying and failing, thriving and fumbling, living and loving and learning. The best we can."

Up close

2011-06-28T16:06:00.004-04:00

My Luci.

Some of you may know my little girl already. When home, we are virtually inseparable. My children comment "she loves you best, mom"

She's just the cutest little pup. So gentle and loving. Sweet and full of character. There's just so much to love about Luci.

Today, while missing my boys (they are at a week long camp on Lake Erie) I decided to distract myself. I pulled out my macro lens...it's been awhile! As I was taking close-ups of all the pretty flowers in our yard, Luci was right there with me. I just had to take her pic.

Her beautiful golden lashes make me swoon. I mean. Seriously. Are they not to die for?

Maybe just maybe. It might be time. Time for Luci to get a playmate.
To be continued....

Proud Mama

2011-06-06T16:56:00.002-04:00

Among a number of other milestones that have taken place around here lately, my son was promoted from Middle School to High School today. My husband captured this moment of us after the ceremony. It's one of *those* pictures that speaks a thousand words.

I have so much on my heart I'd like to share, a million photographs and numerous blog posts swimming around in my head but for now, this one photo is enough.

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T09:51:00.002-04:00

Happy Easter to all those who celebrate today! May your day be blessed.

My baby is 10

2011-03-16T21:59:00.006-04:00

Dear Kian,

2/11/11

Ten years ago you made me a mother, again. TEN. Hard for me to believe because, in so many ways, it was yesterday. That snowy and dark winter morning. It was our fourth trip to the hospital. Yes, you kept us guessing and on our toes from the very start. But this time it was real. You arrived in a hurry, pink and screaming. 6 pounds 11 ounces. Immediately, I could tell. You looked nothing like your brother. Tiny, in comparison and brightly blued-eyed. The pictures are proof. How else do we record our moments, our magic? How else do we stop time and mark our memories?

Thanks goodness for pictures.

It seems like you have always been one of my very favorite companions, the person who accompanies me more then almost anyone else, providing commentary from morning to night. Singing. Giggling. And joking. You seem both infinitely older than last year and utterly the same. You grow ever more liminal, shifting between the ages you have been and will be. But it makes perfect sense. That you are ten. Because you are so big. So witty. Your intuition intrigues me. Your determination sustains me. And your songs make me chuckle. Highs, lows, intensity, tenderness, discord, harmony, all woven together in a unique concerto that has become the sound track of our lives.

You mean so much.

I know the days of holding hands and tucking you in are numbered. I know that someday soon I will definitively be mom, not mommy. But today. Today I look back– at your first day and first smiles and first steps. Today I am reminded that as you enter into double-digits, I will always have pictures. Many, many pictures. And words. And stories. Thank goodness. And so I sit here, celebrating the present moment in my PJs, imagining a future when you care to read these very words, words I write so you know how much and how impossibly I love you.

Happy Birthday, Kiwi

Hibernates

2011-02-06T11:34:00.000-05:00

A blizzard, then an ice storm. Then rain, then a cold snap, and everything freezes solid. Foliage is dead and buried, brittle or frozen. Everything hibernates.

Go ahead, says February. Find my beautiful. Oh, how I am trying.

Thanks to my new friend Photoshop; I'm looking at winter in a whole new way. A wide-open aperture. A deliberate shoving through of foreground. Focusing on the middle.

Lying in the snow has a whole new meaning!

Waiting for spring

2011-01-19T13:26:00.004-05:00

After the holiday rush, January is always a bit of a let down for me. The days are short. The air too cold and everything seems drab. And dark. Wanting spring and all its glory to be here now, I find myself searching out color anywhere I can. Be it the finches that populate my bare trees or the spring catalogues that fill my mailbox on a weekly bases. My anticipation of the new season is palable. And I find it difficult to wait for the colors of spring.

Thanks

2010-11-26T10:27:00.001-05:00

"This is the time. To stop. To think. To rest. To realize.

We all have so much. So many things. So many treasures.

We also have moments. Stretched before us. Not unlimited.

Take these moments. Take this time. Open your heart.

Let it breathe. And see. And feel.

It’s more than a word: Thanks.

Be conscious of your treasures.

Be alive in these moments."

Happy Thanksgiving!

Fourteen

2010-10-25T23:01:00.005-04:00

Fourteen.

Literally, it doesn’t really sound much different then thirteen. But figuratively, fourteen IS different. It signifies so many changes. The last year of middle school. Ability to get a REAL job. T-minus 2 years until driving, Challenging academics. The building blocks to high school. And so on.

Some might say, it’s the beginning of the rest of his life.

I will now take a BIG, belly-breath sigh!

Although our family is in the midst of all these teenage-year changes, I am grateful that life makes these changes slowly. That I am able to fine tune my life as the wind blows in a different direction. We will adjust as needed.

Landin has done us proud over the years. I’m eternally grateful for his hard-working, judicious and kind spirit. He warms my heart with his. I marvel over all of his accomplishments, big or small. He is my pride and joy. And although life sometimes gets sticky, it's always sweet when he's around. Happy Birthday. Always, your mommy.

Wildness

2010-10-20T06:58:00.005-04:00

St. Simons Island, GA

"I have a mild allergy to adulthood" I heard someone say on the bus the other morning. I didn't quite understand the context in which this was being referred. I did however, keep that statement in my back pocket. It spoke to me. But it wasn't until this past weekend that I realized just how much.

Deadlines? Chores? Taxes? Wrinkles? Schedules? These things give me existential hives.

And yet. I tolerate adulthood because I must. Because though I've definitely whined like a toddler, I am an adult. Because at thirty-five, I am a big girl. I have no choice but to act like one.
Why the allergy you say? I'm not entirely sure. It's complicated, I suppose. And the answers may be cop-outs, but they are mine and I hold them dear. I think there are many reasons why I occasionally have a hard time with this growing up business. One of them?

Wildness

We adults - and particularly we perfect parents - are not encouraged to be wild. We are implored to be prudent, responsible and organized. We are supposed to make lists and plans and beds. We are expected to live within our boundaries. We are supposed to color inside the lines. To be civilized and to use our inside-voices all the time. We are supposed to be healthy and rested and drink lots of water.

We are expected to be good boys and girls.

But here's the thing. Sometimes I don't want to be a good girl. Sometimes I want to go out and drink wine (or margaritas) and dance and be young again. Sometimes I want to stay up past my bedtime and swim in deafening music. Sometimes I want to scribble outside the lines and celebrate. Sometimes I want to break the rules.

Sometimes I want to be wild

It was a wild weekend.

And I’m tired. So tired. But I can’t stop smiling. Literally. Can't stop.

It all started with an invitation. Inviting a reunion of sorts. 15+ college friends conjugating to witness wedding vows. The anticipation was immutable.

Friday night? We settled into old habits quite effortlessly. Laughing and teasing. Beer and beer pong and quarters. More laughing. You get the picture. It was a late night and we had a lot of drinking, I mean catching up to do. But Saturday night? It was nuts. For me at least. I got dressed up. (Roar.) I even wore heels. I sipped wine with good friends while making new friends. I played more drinking games. I danced. And I laughed ceaselessly.

My cheeks hurt for hours. It was wild.

Sunday was a bit tamer. A bit. I held court in the kitchen for the first half of the day. Monitoring and offering various foods and beverages to all of the football watching couch-potatoes. But I was happy. I can't explain it. Maybe it was because I was just an adult that weekend. Just me. Not mommy or home organizer. With no expectations. No hard pressed rules or agendas. Later that evening we witnessed a beach wedding with a beautiful couple. And once again, the festivities began. Dancing. Cocktails. Drinking games.

And Monday? For the first half of the day, I was a shell of a person. I was a bit melancholy and my sentences had holes. But I stuffed them with husband snuggles and a good open-mouth airplane nap.

And Tuesday morning? I was beyond shredded with exhaustion. Moving slowly. But quaking with awareness. That life is good. That I am where I should be. That this adulthood thing? It’s actually not half bad. I sit here, sipping a 140 degree cappuccino. Still smiling.
As I write this, I realize that it is okay to go back, to regress, to get wild once in a while. If only to remember. If only to realize that this place, this here and now, this tame territory, is quite lovely.

So. I sit here. A person. A parent. An adult. A wild thing.

Cheers to your inner wild thing!

falling back

2010-10-13T20:20:00.003-04:00

I haven't taken my camera out. Much. The beginning of the school year seems to do that to me. I'm so preoccupied with getting organized and into a school routine that I can't seem to find the time. I know. A poor excuse. However, whenever the leaves start to do their thing and I can smell the neighborhood fires, that all changes. New sceneries beg to be photographed. And my camera falls back into its proper place; my hands.

The new school year

2010-08-30T20:20:00.001-04:00

One summer ends, another school year begins.

Aye de mi!

Welcome 8th and 4th grade!

A peak into 12 days of summer fun...

2010-08-22T23:06:00.003-04:00

We packed our car and drove with such anticipation. "This is going to be a great and much needed vacation." I heard Kian say. Well said son. We are sooo ready for this. Our first stop, Provincetown, Cape Cod. Get the bikes off the car and lets go to the beach! Little did I know I was going to break a mediocre sweat. This was the east coast- we are only slightly above sea level! Fortunately, once we got there I forgot all about the rocky shoreline until we had to leave. The kids didn't mind. Our very first challenging bike ride where BOTH of them could keep up with us. What an extraordinary feeling!

During our stay we traveled to many little towns; Cape Cod is filled with them. Each town, quaint in its own way. They were lined with cafes, antique shoppes, American flags and gorgeous flowers. I could have easily stayed there for the rest of the summer!

We were very Carpe Diem on this trip. But, the one thing we did "plan to do" was a whale watching tour. While aboard we mingled with friendly strangers, enjoyed beautiful scenery and marveled over all the humpback whales (including a baby-which was very exciting.)
It was definitely worth the planning.

A view of Provincetown from the boat.

Good-bye Cape Cod, hello New Jersey.

Our 3rd annual cousins BBQ. 1st cousins, once removed.

McNeil 1st cousins.

Home Sweet Home

LBI, New Jersey

One more beach day.

Hope you enjoyed your 2010 summer!

Sweet baby Abigayle

2010-07-27T00:44:00.000-04:00

My husband's cousin had her second baby just a few days ago. We were all so excited to meet her and take some baby-licous photos!

Well, it's about time...

2010-06-21T17:21:00.000-04:00

I know, I know. Another few months have gone by and nothing to show for it, on here. In the non-blogging reality world that I live in, there has been almost TOO much going on. The Delaney's have been in the business of getting things done!

The beginning of 2010 brought us much good fortune. We spent all of January organizing the house for our departure and pining over all the new goodies and gadgets we were to purchase for the new house. That 11 year old couch finally hit the jackpot and went into early retirement; I couldn't have been happier.

February filled our home with joyful snow days and a side of sheer panic as we were preparing for our final days on Birmingham Ave. With both Mike and I working full-time (something that hasn't happened since early Anchorage days), his grad school responsibilities and and my various hobbies-turned part time work, our target move-out date of March 21st was a definite challenge.

As always in February, my baby became another year older. Kian is in his last year of single digits! I know I say this every year, but how did this happen? He's the most genuine, disarming boy. We enjoy his comedic attitude and are so very proud of the (almost) young man he is becoming.

March was true to it's nick-name: in like a lion and out like a lamb. We spent most of the month painting, organizing, decorating and purchasing new "house" stuff. Of course, one of the first things that had to be put up was the basketball hoop. I'm not sure who benefited more, Mike and I or the boys? Either way it was a win-win. As anyone who has recently moved knows, it takes time to get a house "in order" but we feel our efforts have put us in a good new house sweet spot. We have slowed down quite a bit (the kids baseball schedule has a way of forcing that) and are sure to take time to enjoy the beautiful flowers and comforts of our new home.

Cheers to finding your sweet spot this summer!

glimmers of 2009

2010-01-04T22:40:00.001-05:00

It's truly hard to believe that Christmas is over. Sigh.

2010 is here. Time to put 2009 to bed and look out into the wide expanse of possibility that the New Year always brings. It's scary because every year that passes seems to go faster than the year before. Sometimes my life feels like it's running on warp speed and I'm not quite sure how to slow it down. Some days pass without even being noticing, and before I know it the intoxicating summer heat has morphed into the icy unshakable chill of winter; I never saw it coming.

Since the day I became a mother, I was concerned that our days together would pass by too fast. Some might say I'm young and still have plenty of time with my children and with my life in general, but that's not my concern. My concern is that I will wake up tomorrow and 40 years will have passed by in the blink of an eye. This is something I think a lot about; the brevity of life. Like many, I find myself scared of having regrets. I don't want to waste my time or live for things that don't really matter in the end. This is my constant struggle. To let go, pay attention to what really matters and to be in the now. To feel the breath come in and out of my lungs, experience the gladness that each moment holds and acknowledge that my life is a gift from God; this is real time living!

In the spirit of reflecting and living in the now, I thought I'd share a few light hearted things that I enjoyed about life in 2009 (and about everyday life in general.) Hopefully it doesn't turn into a deep dish of emotional philosophy.

1. They way our puppy, Luci, runs to the door when she hears us pull up and then welcomes us by flopping all over the floor like a fish out of water.

2. Getting to see Phish after a 10 year hiatus

3. The taste of my moms homemade banana cream pie

4. Watching Landin turn into a thoughtful, honorable young man.

5. The delicious feeling of clean white sheets on the bed on a summer night

6. Watching Kian develop so many new skills and inspire me to be a better person

7. Getting to see college friends multiple times this year

8. Selling our house of 6 1/2 years and then finally buying an even better new one

9. Wrapping my arms around my kiddos and squeezing them with all the love I have to give, especially right before bed.

10. Getting a hand written letter from anyone...but my favorite was the one from Kian that told me all the reasons he loved me so....

11. That Landin still likes to "hang" with us.

12. Stumbling upon an old photograph in a drawer and being thrust unexpectedly down memory lane.

13. Taking the kids to NJ this summer and showing them all the places I use to live, work and play!

14. Mike taking me on a surprise 4-day cruise for our 10th anniversary - my husband ROCKS!

15. Hearing my mom or Mike relay a memory involving me...but I have no recollection of it ever happening!

~Wishing you MANY great memories and accomplishments in 2010~

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-26T19:57:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful for the sweet couple at our church who took this picture on Christmas Eve. If it weren't for them, we may not have had any "family" pictures this holiday. Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Middle School Musical

2009-12-06T21:35:00.002-05:00

Last year our school did the Musical "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." Landin had some interest but his reservation was a bit stronger. So, he compromised and opted to be part of the tried and true, stage crew. This year however, he was eager to partake in the musical festivities.

The kids signed up, auditioned and then they found out what play they were doing. This way the directors would have a better idea of the talent and personalities they'd be working with. This year they choose a musical comedy - HONK! Landin was a father swan, a farmer and a chicken!

It was an awesome debut.....

14 years ago...

2009-10-25T22:53:00.002-04:00

this beautiful soul -

choose us to be his family

Turning 13 is thought of as a right of passage, a milestone a turning point.

And I must confess, I'm overwrought! How could this chubby-cheeked, giggly little baby be a TEENAGER?!

You know time is passing quickly when your child's birthday comes around and you start looking at how many years are left instead of the numbers that have already passed by. Over two thirds of the eighteen years are behind us. Wow.

In all honesty, not too much has changed over the years. Sure, he's become all of the obvious -older, faster, stronger, smarter and hungrier. He's also become a great public speaker, a skilled debater, a loyal athlete and a occasoinally moody teenager! But all in all he's still sweet and gifted; complete joy to be around. He is my first-born, my heart and soul.

This extremely acute lad is becoming quite the "young man"

Happy Birthday Bugaboo!!

Sabbatical Over . . .

2009-10-14T22:19:00.010-04:00

It's been well over two months since my last confession,

I mean blog.

I've actually felt like that; guilt-ridden that I took some time off from writing about our "Delaney happenings." What's a girl to do when her blogging tank is empty and motivation and energy have hit rock bottom? Nothing. Which sometimes - is Everything

Hard at first, I slowly began to unwind and remember what life is like in real time.

During my time away, we enjoyed summer to its fullest. Lazy pool days, early sunrises, visiting family and friends, fascinating books, boating, golf, tennis, hikes, white water rafting, sand between our toes and riding waves. Summer was good to us.

We’re all sad to see it go...

Moraine State Park

Landin caught the first fish of the day; a stripped Bass

Kian improved his swimming skills tremendously this summer
(he can even out dive Landin. Shhh...don't tell him, though)

Beach boys

The Borgata Casino, Atlantic City, NJ

The end of the summer was not all "easy peasy lemon squeezy" It required some work on my and Mikes part. I started interviewing for a new job and we decided to try to sell our house. Once we returned from our beach vacation Mike was busy with house projects while I was presented with 2 job offers and had to make some quick decisions. On August 31 we put our house on the market and by Sept 2nd we had an offer!! We had signed sealed and delivered paperwork. It was a done deal, so we thought. A few days ago we found out our buyer didn’t have enough “liquid assets” to complete the purchase of our home. So, we’re back to square one. Ugh. In hind sight, it was probably a good thing. We searched high and low for a new home, but we were unsuccessful. So for now, I’ll sit back and enjoy all the recent renovations in our current house, a little longer.

Nostalgia

2009-07-26T23:22:00.001-04:00

She was sitting with her family on a blanket towards the edge of the lawn. The first thing I noticed about her was the pretty floral kerchief pulling her dark brown hair back from her face. The next thing I noticed was that she was nursing her child who was probably at least 2-and-a-half. I smiled at her when our eyes met, and the corners of her mouth turned upward just slightly, as if she were not sure that my smile was actually intended for her. I wanted to tell her that I had nursed mine until he was 3, and how much that relationship meant to both me and my son, but shyness prevented me from offering more than my smile and bashful looks of admiration. I quietly applauded her casual openness in nursing amongst thousands of people without any sign of self-consciousness or awkwardness or preemptive defiance aimed at anyone around her who might be judging her. If you had never seen a woman nursing an older toddler, and you saw her as I did that evening, you would think it was the most natural thing in the world, and a comfort to witness as well.

Later, when she stood up to play with her two small children, I saw that she was wearing a long flowy snow-white skirt that looked like a graceful billowy cloud floating above the grass. Again I admired her, for that is probably the last thing I would have worn. I remember oh to well, the days of Kian's using me as a napkin! Then I noticed her adorable dark blue denim sneakers peeking out from underneath her skirt, that's when I knew I just had to get a photo.

I'm about as nostalgic as they come, and this one photo is my memento of those warm feelings I had for a total stranger whom I observed and admired during the course of a free family concert on a lovely summer evening. It is also my unspoken blessing over her and her family for the simple joy and comfort I received in just being near their quiet contentment. This small token of a photo is the key to memories that I've already placed carefully and lovingly in the altar space of my heart.

Dance

2009-07-26T22:56:00.003-04:00

"While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole." -Hans Bos

Children have that down pat, don't they? They know how to let go, to be completely immersed in their joy, in their imagination, or even in their upset. They don't live life half way, they dive in totally.

In yoga this week, the instructor brought up this question: Where in our lives are we living half way? Perhaps it's in our relationships, or in our jobs, maybe we say no too much when we should be saying yes or vice versa. I think this question humbled all of us, for wherever we are living big in our lives, there are places that we live small. And I'm not necessarily talking about heroic feats of living here, just about diving into each moment, each dance, and the arms of your loved ones with as much aliveness as you see pictured above.

light my life

2009-07-12T23:29:00.002-04:00

They own my heart

They intrigue my mind

They light my life.

Styling

2009-07-12T23:18:00.004-04:00

I think that many of us who enjoy blogging and taking photos, consider ourselves to be photojournalists. We strive to capture moments as they happen, careful not to pose our subjects too much. I know that I tend to be drawn to a style that shows life in it's natural state. But sometimes I think we need to give ourselves permission to do a little “styling”. I took the above shot today, right in the thick of summer, while on a hike with my 2 sons, husband and puppy. I found this big leaf right in the middle of the trail as if it were left behind all these months, just waiting to be noticed. Before I knew it I was bending over placing it right between all of the shaded spots, trying to give it a softened black border. I love the end result and I’m glad I allowed myself to create a scene without any guilt.

A sweet find

2009-07-11T21:06:00.000-04:00

As anyone with a long term love of photography knows, it's easy to find yourself taking the same kinds of pictures over and over again. Glance over your last 1000 pictures and you might see what I mean. Overrun in flowers? Same style portraits? Bricks and mortar? While there's no harm in going on a kick now and then to master your craft, you'll know it's time for a change when your images start to look the same and you can no longer recognize the gem in that one picture that represents a departure from your tried and true subjects. May I shyly submit the photo above as a case in point. A sweet baby cow; a rare find so close to the city.

Just some good 'ole summertime fun

2009-07-06T20:52:00.005-04:00

Grandpa Den made all the kids (and some adults) marshmallow shooters/guns for our 4th of July party at my cousin Kristin's. They were a HUGE hit!

Logan, Landin, Kali and Kian being silly!

One of our favorite fruits of summer

Happy summer everyone! I know it's been summer for quite some time, but for me it never quite feels like summer until July. Maybe it's all the 4th of July festivities that create that summertime feeling. Either way I'm happy it's here; finally I can relax. So here we are. . . enjoying the sun and summer. The pool, the camps, spending time with family and friends, eating fresh picked berries, bike riding and dog walking, you name it. How are you spending your summer?

Twins and the Brewers

2009-07-02T16:42:00.004-04:00

Well, it's been another eventful season of baseball. The boys played their little hearts out as we trekked to the fields night after night after night. . . Kian's team the Twins, it seemed, had a rough season. Though they battled hard, they did not win a single game until the final 2 weeks of the season. The ultimate underdogs finally found their bats in the playoffs. Now they're headed to the 'farm league' championship game tonight. We are so excited!

Landin's team went 9-5 for the season and was third overall in his division. They put up a good fight in the playoffs but their season ended on Sunday. We are so proud of their efforts and good sportsmanship.

School's out for summa!

2009-06-12T23:54:00.000-04:00

Our annual Kennywood day (which happens after the "moving up" ceramony on the last morning of school) Kian riding the Aero 360 with dad

Moving up ceramony

Kian and his 2nd grade teacher

Another great school year was had by all! I can't believe my babies will be in 3rd and 7th grade in a few months. Time certainly does fly. Both boys did very well in school this year and made great strides in all subjects. Kian has really excelled in Language Arts (writing great stories and reading off the charts) and Landin has continued his love for Social Studies as well as finding a new love for debate (well, its not really new, just more organized now.) Now it's time for swimming, playing, relaxing and sleepovers! The boys have some great camps lined up too. Next week Landin will attend Rock Radio camp, through our local public radio station, WYEP. He will learn about broadcasting, how to interview people, how to mix music and have surprise musical "guests." Then after July 4th he'll be off to Camp Calvary for the week! Next week Kian will attend the Carnegie Museum of Natural History and learn about Ancient Egypt. Then in a few weeks he'll attend a local art school camp and then our church for their annual "Kid Fest."

Evening of the Arts

2009-06-05T23:31:00.001-04:00

At the end of every school year, K-5th grade put on an "Evening of the Arts" performance. It's an integration of the art, music and dance they have been working on for the second half of the year. This year Kian's 2nd grade class was studying Africa. They performed African dancing, singing, drumming and then brought us to the "gallery" where their art work was on display. It was too cute.

Memorial weekend fun

2009-06-01T23:05:00.001-04:00

We decided to take a "spur of the moment" trip to the beach over memorial weekend. So, we packed up the car and the dog and we were off! On Saturday, Mike took the boys to the golf range and arcade while I enjoyed a much needed and over-due pedicure. On Sunday we took Luci to the bay, that was hysterical! She turned into a kangaroo. She could not walk or even run in the water, she had to 'hop.' She had everyone on the beach stopping to watch her, it was quite entertaining! Sunday night we went to the boardwalk. We had fun riding rides, playing games and eating pizza and ice cream. It was a great way to kick off the start of summer.

Three Things

2009-05-18T22:07:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I find myself craving silence - just for a moment.

No conversations. No music. Nothing.

Just silence.

Please.

I need to hear nothing but the sound of my own heart beat. Nothing but the sound of my own breath. This is when I can listen to me. I can ponder, plan and refocus. I can live in the present and take in the moment. I can find contentment and joy amongst the divine chaos that is too often my reality.

I've been invited by a photography group I'm involved with to find joy during the month of May. It's a wonderful opportunity for me to consciously choose three areas of my life to embrace and live more authentically - to find a little pocket of silence within each experience so I can listen to my heart and really feel the joy.

[Playing] Making memories with the little people in my life.
[Creating] For no other reason other than the simple pleasure of it!

[walking] Taking in the beauty around me. Picking up a piece of nature along the way to share.

These are my three things.

"Let the beauty we love, be what we do." ~ Rumi

Spring Sports

2009-05-06T22:27:00.008-04:00

Xavier sure knows how to get through the baseball season - ice pops!!

Just as the seasons change through out the year; so do the sports that my children play. Spring time is by far the busiest for us. Both Landin and Kian are playing baseball (Mike is assistant coach on both teams again) and this year Landin has added lacrosse to his plate. So, basically 6 out of 7 days and/or nights are spent at the "fields." Today, Landin had his first Lacrosse game and they had a shut out, 7-0!

Baseball, on the other hand has been in full swing (pun intended) since mid March, with opening day on April 25. Since it has been on the rainy side the last few weeks we have had just as many rain outs as games. At this rate, the season won't end as it normally does (mid June) and we may be making up games until July. Then add All-stars/Tournament games and we're looking at a season ending in August! That's when we'll start singing our baseball song. . . It's the sport that never ends . . . it goes on and on my friend. It's all good though. I enjoy just about every minute of it. Here's a few snapshots we were able to catch of the boys and their respected teams.

Our Caribbean Cruise

2009-04-22T23:26:00.002-04:00

We've been home for almost 4 weeks now. Looking back through these pictures I'm somewhat melancholy. We had such a great time. It was truly a "break" from reality and we had a nice dose of R & R. No "vacation after our vacation was needed." It was so peaceful to do the things we wanted to do without worrying about what to make for dinner, who's practice we had to get to, if the kids uniforms were all clean, if. . . .

So, I share with you a few (so not to be too long-winded about it) of the blessings and laughs we had . . .

true relaxation

St. Thomas,USVI

We started the day by boarding a small boat. About 30 mins later we were near a remote island where we spent the next 2 hours snorkeling. It was amazing. Mike and I both felt like we were inside a national geographic magazine. St. Thomas blew away our last snorkeling experience, which was in Mexico. The fish and coral were so beautiful. This was Landin and Kian first "real" snorkeling and they both did really well. Landin was such a trooper, he went out for the whole 2 hours and enjoyed every minute of it. Kian was a little more hesitant. He was uncomfortable keeping his face in the water the whole time but he really enjoyed the the payoff- seeing all of the neat fish. I went back to the boat with him a little early. He made friends with the captain and I started drinking the rum punch a little earlier then expected! On the way back Kian was able to drive the boat for a while. This was icing on the cake for him.

Once we were back on land, we grabbed a bite to eat, chatted with some new friends we made and then decided to shop. Many souvenirs, shirts and hats were purchased! It was a perfect day!

El Limon; 45 foot waterfall. Samana, Dominican Republic .

Once we got off the boat in Samana, Mike had an adventure planned for us (shocker, I know.)The plan was to catch a cab to a company that we could rent horses from. From there we would ride the horses for a bit and then hike down to the waterfall. Sounds pretty good, right? Perhaps. The minute we stepped off the boat we were attacked like a swarm of bees on honey. "Where you go sir", "you want taxi, how much you want to pay" " Want to go waterfall". . . And it went on like this for about 1/2 a mile. I grew more and more anxious as I wondered if they would try to get the kids, or if they would ever leave us alone. Eventually Mike was ready to work his magic and he approached a taxi driver. He negotiated a very good price (that would be paid once they brought us back to the ship) for us to get to and from the horseback riding co. So, we were finally on our way.

As we drove, we saw small garage-like houses, old beat-up cars, children running around without shoes and some even naked. It was an eye opener, to say the least. I watched as my children gazed at this world they had only read about and wondered what was going through their minds. I didn't dare ask them right then and there, as I didn't want to offend our taxi driver. But I grew increasingly curious to have this conversations with them.

Once we arrived, Mike began another round of negotiations, but not before the natives had to show us around the "Establishment". Offering us to look at all the local artwork and crafts while they placed anklet after bracelet all over me. They tried to put a pink one on Landin, that's where I had to draw the line.

Once the tour was over we finally hopped on our horses, headed out and almost fell off! The trail was STEEP and the terrain was ROUGH! (did I mention this was Kian's 1st solo horseback riding experience?) But the landscape was incredible! We were in the middle of a rainforest, surrounded by pineapple trees, cocoa trees, mango, papaya and coconut trees. It was so beautiful. About 30 mins later we arrived at a bridge, were we got off the horses and hiked down a mountain for another 15-20 mins. Once we came around the bend,we saw one of the most beautiful 45 ft waterfalls. The rainy day pictures seriously don't do it justice.

So, all and all the experience definitely outweighed the worries. And it was an experience of a lifetime (No need to mention that a young man came up the hill as we were leaving down the hill with a machete in hand)

And as far as the kids impression . . . Kian said this day was his favorite part of the trip and Landin said he now appreciates his country even more. That pretty much sums up their personalities in a nut shell.

Horesback riding to El Limon

Dad, Kian and I

Me and my Kiwi. One of my favs from the trip (even if the lighting is all wrong)

Enjoying the day at the beach.

Tortola, BVI

My sweet Landin

A chick family we stumbled upon while at the Brewers Beach in Tortola

St. Thomas, USVI

Winter recap. . .

2009-03-20T22:35:00.010-04:00

Just sharing some of what we did during the long and cold winter months . . .

Luci @ 9 weeks

Luci @ 19 weeks

My baby turned 8!

2009-02-20T21:55:00.004-05:00

I'm a little behind the 8 ball on this one (since his actual birthday was 2/11.) Most likely it's a denial thing. When Kian's Birthday rolls around every year I get a little anxious. . . this can't be happening, he can't be getting this old!

I long for the days of sticky hands, chubby cheeks and the words "mama I pick you up, pick you up." O.K, maybe I don't want the sticky hands, but I defiantly want the mixing up of pronouns and squeezable cheeks!

Kian has turned into such an amazing kiddo. Each and everyday is a gift with him. While at times, he can be trying and so determined, he is also the most genuine and empathetic 8 year old I know. He's there for the hurt bird on the side of the road, the handicap lady in the grocery store and he's here for all of us, offering a joke or funny gestures when we've had a 'bad' day. He amazes me. Just when I think I have him pegged, he goes and changes on me again! He is inquisitive and witty yet reserved and observant. He is definitely going places!!

This year Kian has filled our house, walls and shelves with hundreds of art projects, drawings, and Lego creations. He's turning out to be quite the photographer as well. He spends as many hours as Landin will give him playing football/hockey/lacrosse/basketball/baseball. At school he is doing fabulous. He enjoys recess (of course), language arts, science, P.E., and according to his teacher and report card; TALKING LOUDLY! No surprises there. He's also following in his brothers footsteps, as he devours book after book all week long. Ahhh . . . the silence that books can bring. Priceless!

Here's to another great year, baby! We love you so much!!

All too fast

2009-02-08T22:26:00.004-05:00

Do you ever feel like time is going by way too fast? So much so that you can barely get a grip and digest all that is happening/changing/growing. In the last few months I have joined forces with millions of other Americans on Facebook, or should I call it Crackbook because so many of us have become addicted to this small space in cyber world. Either way, I have been brought back to yesteryear with so many of my fellow classmates and old school friends. Some of them I haven't seen or heard about in 10-15-20 years!

It's so strange to think all that time has passed by. It only feels like a few years ago that I was playing manhunt until curfew, going to see bands every weekend or getting dropped off at the mall to watch "Rainman" only to find out it was rated 'R' (luckily our music teacher was in line so she vouched for us to get in.)

That same time is quickly passing by with my kiddos. One minute they are cuing, babbling, then questioning everything, and now we're having real actul conversations. The same kind I remember having with some of my 'old' friends. Life can be so ironic.

A example of how Kian is growing up and staying young, all in the same day. . .

old...
Last week Mike was trying to complete his statistics homework. He was getting a little frustrated because he was having some difficulty figuring out a problem. Kian came up behind him and said "daddy, I get corrections on my work everyday, it's O.K. Just fix your corrections and learn from your mistakes" If only adulthood could be so easy.

young...
Earlier that same morning Kian and I were snuggling in my bed. I leaned in and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. Then I said "I love snuggling you and giving you kisses, it's the best feeling in the world, isn't it" He replied oh so honestly. . . "yeah it's pretty good but riding roller coasters is a little better."

While Kian is busy making us laugh and trying to decide if he should stay little or get big, Landin keeps us young, hip, and true to ourselves. "Mom can I use your lap top, I need to download T.I's song to my ipod." While all types of music are an important part of Landin's world, so is conversation. We have talked for hours about political leaders, world leaders, Buddhism and yoga, energy conservation, NFL schedules/scores for the last 5-10 years (that boy can remember statistics like no one!) and even the psychology of dogs! He is so wise beyond his years. We have conversations on topics that I wouldn't even be able to have with some adult people I know. One night, a couple of years ago, after a long day he looked me straight in the eye and said "mommy, I think I was George Washington is a past life." And I said you know what Landin, that wouldn't surprise me if you were."

I am so blessed to have these 2 boys in my life. They are amazing kids. They may remind me that I'm getting older, but more importantly they show me how to stay young!

New Year, New Doggie

2009-01-18T22:30:00.003-05:00

Every year, at some point during that first week or so, I jot down a few goals and hopes for the coming year. I fold my list and stick it away in a box for safe keeping only to retrieve it the following year to see if I made any progress.
1 on my 2008 list: try power yoga (mission accomplished.)

2: Start training for a mini triathlon (didn't happen.)

3: Plan weekly meals (partial success.)

4: Humor the idea of getting a new dog (double-mission accomplished; humored and bought!)

Our 13 year old mutt, Cooper, died over 2 years ago. His passing truly was a profound loss; for my husband, my sons and me. In the months after he died, each time I would head down to the basement I'd see his crate and feel as if someone had sucker-punched me. The house definitely seemed empty and hollow. At times, I would hear his collar jingle or his nails tapping on the hardwood floors. Habit, I guess. The pain of losing him was so great I wasn't sure when we'd be able to replace him - my heart couldn't fathom another break.

Fortunately, time does heal all wounds. About 4 months ago I began longing for another 4-legged friend. We spent hours and hours researching all kinds of breeds and breeders. Then one day my girlfriend told me about a specific breeder located only 40 minutes from us. When I clicked on the pictures tab of her website, starring back at me was some of the sweetest goldendoodle faces I had ever seen.

After talking with the owner, we made secret arrangements to meet her and the pups the day after Thanksgiving. We knew we wanted this to be an "after Christmas" exciting surprise for the kids. Once we arrived Mike and I knew almost instantly which pup we liked and more importantly which one had likedus; the sweet faced, affectionate one!

We named our new puppy Luci, (and I finally have a female companion in the house!) She has brought a special spark back into our home.

Here's the start of my 2009 list:
1: Buy a new house.

2 Remain calm and assertive through puppy-hood.

3: Take more videos of the kids.

4: Luci will live a long healthy life.

Go Steelers!

2009-01-17T14:37:00.003-05:00

Our Father,
Who Art in Pittsburgh,
Football Be Thy Game. Thy Kingdom Come,
5 Super Bowls Won,
On Earth as it is in Heinz Field.
Give us this Day a playoff Victory,
And forgive us our penalties,
As we defeat those who play against us.
But lead us into a Victory,
And deliver us to Tampa!
A-Ben

Take a Seat

2008-12-23T09:01:00.003-05:00

The holidays are such a hectic time! There is so much planning, buying, cooking, calling, mailing, traveling and visiting going on. We rush through our days trying to be efficient and looking to please everyone... We tend to focus on the energy we need to put forth, and we forget to be authentic to ourselves; to the season.

So I share with you a photo above, as an invitation for you to slow down and sit! Please snuggle in that chair for a moment, and fully experience all the joy and glory of the season!

When you're feeling pressure... Take a seat and lighten up. Don't be so hard on yourself. You've done enough. Too much seriousness about everything only contributes to a killjoy attitude!

When you're feeling frustrated... Take a seat and breathe. You can give in to anger and resentment or you can hold your seat and be merry!

When you're feeling disconnected... Take a seat, close your eyes and put your hands over your heart. Let the beat humble you. Allow it to make you feel grateful for all that you are, all that you have and all that you do!

From our home to yours, Merry Christmas.

remembering

2008-12-14T21:41:00.003-05:00

While I am fairly new to the world of photography (well at least with sharing my photography), I feel like I have been seeing things through a lens my whole life. I've always been content to quietly observe my surroundings, noticing things that others might not. When I was young most people thought I was just quiet and shy (true), but there was more to it than that. I was busy observing. I was noticing the swirling pattern in the shell buttons on someone’s shirt or the way the sunlight made a pattern on the floor as it filtered through the trees.

I think that’s why photography is the perfect outlet for me. When the camera captures what my eye is seeing, I can finally relax. It's real now. I’m sure there are a lot of reasons that people become interested in photography. But I think that for most of us it is a way to capture what we’re afraid we’ll forget.

What do you do to help you remember what you might forget?

Thankful

2008-12-07T13:46:00.005-05:00

Logan, Kali and Landin

Kian actually took this photograph (after some strategic placement, of course)

Kian and Landin with cousin Kali

Well...I know it's well past Thanksgiving, and we're all onto bigger and brighter things like Christmas lights and Holiday cards, but I thought I'd take a moment to reflect. To stop and listen to my heart and share with you what it is saying. Each November I have grand plans for the Thanksgiving holiday. Whether it be on a community wide scale or just something small and personal, like sending thankful notes to all those "special" people in my life. And each year I wind up doing small pieces of my grand plan, only to feel a slight disappointing tug at my heart. So, here's my attempt to redeem myself, thank you to all those creative computer people who created Blogs! While this list could very easily be long and winded I narrowed it down to 10 things that I am extremely grateful for. . . . . .

My fabulous husband; without him none of this life we've created would be possible
My extraordinary children; without them my life would not be as complete, nor would I feel such genuine love
My supportive and loving parents; without them I would not be half the person I am today
My extended family; without them life would not have as much meaning
My wonderful friends; without them I would go insane and not experience as much joy as I do.
My children's school; without it my kids would not be as well rounded nor continue to love to learn as easily as they do.
My pastor; without him I would not push myself to be the change I wish to see in the world
My health; without it I would be a big hypocrite!
Power yoga; without it I would not be as patient and happy of a mommy/wife/friend. . .
Our Nation; without living here I would not have the same freedoms, creations and opportunities as I do today

What are you thankful for?

Guinness Book

2008-11-24T20:52:00.004-05:00

I swear, Kian is persistent. That boy wants in the book of world records like its nobodies business! His latest attempt is this pencil. . .

He actually wrote with this all day last Wednesday!

Football Frenzy

2008-11-18T09:34:00.005-05:00

Just some photos from 2 weekends ago

One of the boys favorite things to do with their dad. . .

The Great Pumpkin Patch!

2008-11-13T20:16:00.004-05:00

I thought this picture was so funny.

This is Patrick, one of Kian's good friends.

These are the 2 classes that make up second grade. Kian is on the bottom row.

Kian's teacher is @ the top, left side.

Go class of 2019!

In second grade it is tradition to do a "Pumpkin Fair." The purpose of this is to teach 'real' math skills. The children practice making change as they sell: pumpkins, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin bread (and an assortment of Halloween trinkets from oriental trading post.)

The day starts early as the children wait patiently for the pumpkin delivery. Then, one by one a massive line of orangeness march outside to gather and assemble a huge pile of pumpkins in the school's main hallway! They all worked so hard. It was great to be a part of this memorable day and act as one of the honorary photographers.

Finding Peace

2008-11-02T21:38:00.006-05:00

My favorite photography subjects are my two young boys and animals, all types, as long as they flit and scurry and FLY (sorry ostriches). Capturing either can be both breath-holding and heart-thumping because these subjects do not stay still for long. And I don't always want them to. Sometimes capturing their stillness isn't enough; I want to capture the fitful, unpredictable beauty of their wildness. I am a peaceful person by nature. However, I don't always feel it is my calling to shoot photos of the calm and soothing landscapes of this life. A pretty still life here and there, sure. Who can resist? But what I have found in taking photos over the past few years is that I love to chase chance with my camera. I love not knowing what's going to happen next. I love the challenge of waiting for the moment, and I love waiting to see what arbitrary magic the shots will reveal. Some of my favorite photos have come from such moments.

As for finding some peace, well. . . for me the peace is actually what comes as I gaze upon the outcome, a colorful moment frozen before my eyes. I find my peace (and my thrill) in the capturing, as I see them, of the random and wild little miracles in my life. Then I can continue to live the unstill life I am quite possibly destined to live, while raising 2 active boys. I find serenity in what unfolds naturally before my eyes.

The way I see it, to steal a few potent words from Wendell Berry's poem "The Broken Ground": "What is left is what is." This is peace to me.

As with most artful motives, there is a dilemma at the core of this methodology: do you snap quickly (and wildly) without regard to mechanics of photography in hopes that you'll capture the magic. Is this just downright lazy and amateur? Or do you pick up your camera gently, think wisely, swirl the dial to the appropriate numerology, take aim, check focus, hold your breath, and hope that in doing everything right, the magic will reveal itself—that's if the subject's still around to capture after all that? I have to say I don't have an exact answer here. I've had luck with both. But luck is so often what it is for me. Trying to 'guess' when they may have an unbelievably funny or enduring moment. So, at what point do you decide to prop up the luck with practice, knowledge, and applied expertise? Or do you? Maybe you just keep following the magic.

Happy Halloween

2008-11-01T23:08:00.001-04:00

Kian enjoyed trick or treating with friends and family, while Landin enjoyed his first Halloween with friends only (Kian told him he was breaking the family law.) Our day was spent with parades, parties, staying up late and eating too much candy! What more could a kid ask for? Today. . . we reinstated naps! Hope you all had a great a Halloween.

My baby turned 12!

2008-10-26T21:26:00.010-04:00

It's true. Yesterday he officially became a 'preteen.' Now what? Do our long and deep conversations get better or worse, longer or shorter? Will he ever become embarrassed if I see him in his boxers or better yet his boxer briefs? When will he have his first "real" crush? How many more months till he's taller than both Mike and I? All these unanswered questions. I'm actually excited for this next phase, I love learning things right along with my kids. It makes it so real. So raw and interesting. But for now, I know he still looks up at me with his big beautiful soulful eyes and knows,I am here for him. My life is for him; that everything is just fine.

Landin's celebrations started early, (last weekend) with his honorary birthday visit from Pop Pop. Good conversation, Jets game, a new Jets jersey and playing football were a few of the visits highlights. Landin spent his actual Birthday, in his words "just right." He started by going out for a pancake breakfast with Grandma and Kian. Then the four of us went to see the movie "The Express" (great movie btw.) After that we met Grandma, Grandpa Den and Grammie at our house for a delicious homemade Lasagna dinner and Ice cream cake dessert. He ended the night at Grandma and Grandpa Den's for a "sleepover." I'm so glad he still loves those so much. They are such special times. Landin received some great gifts. Ranging from clothes he wanted to Penguin tickets to a cell phone. Yes, we finally broke down and got him his very own cell phone. Sigh.

This year has been a ever changing for Landin. He continues to amaze us. He's gone from giving small class presentations to full tours as an ambassador for his school. He's thoroughly enjoying middle school and just recently was asked to participate in the John's Hopkins's University Talent Search, for gifted and talented kids. He continues to love most sports and any book he can get his hands on. He has a new favorite interest as of late. I think obsession would be more appropriate; the Election. I think he could out argue/debate the average adult and he'd definitely kick butt on Jay Leno's "J-walking." He's actually quite the inspiration. I wish I would hear more kids his age talking about character/democracy/liberty the way he does. He's so interested in the world and how it works, it's such a breath fresh air from the standard pop culture.

So, I guess you could say this has been a fabulous year for Landin. He's growing up, fast. Mike is doing an excellent job in teaching him how to be a honorable young man. Cheers to you my sweet Landin!

I've been tagged. . .

2008-10-18T11:21:00.003-04:00

OK, this post is long overdue. My friend Julie tagged me almost 2 months ago. I'm suppose to write 6 random AND interesting things about yourself. Anyone that knows me knows I'm not all that "random", I do most things purposeful. I'll try to do my best, though. I went with a few "in the moment thoughts" Here goes. . .

1. I have only owned 1 brand of cars (Acura/Honda) and 1 shade of color (grey/silver). I guess one could argue that when you find something that works you stick with it. Or one could argue I'm a boring car person!

2. I was married on the playground in 5th grade. He even gave me a ring, I was shocked! We don't need to mention the ring turned my finger green, 3 days later. I was scared to death he was going to try and kiss me! Fortunately, it started pouring down rain towards the end of the "ceremony" and the teachers called us in. Thank you Mr. 5th grade teacher!

3. I'm a complete pen snob. I love to write, the actual art of writing. I often write out my blogs before I type them. I will not write with a pen that has a point bigger then .05mm. And of course it has to be gel. My current favorite is Pilot G-2 .38mm. It's a clicky one, even better!

4. In 2002, I entered one of my photos of Kian into a contest and it wound up winning a place in the Library of Congress Photography book.

5. I've never lived alone. I went from home, to college with roommates, to living with my hubby.

6. Up until I was about 10, I use to be able to bend my right middle finger all the way back to touch my wrist. Kind of gross and cool all at the same time. Kids would come up to me randomly and say "do that cool thing with your finger." I still wish I had that flexibility.

Accepting the Fall

2008-10-08T20:53:00.003-04:00

Hey fall, please don't take my forced smile and phony enthusiasm too personally. I'll come around. Eventually. I really will. Once the trees really start in with all the glowing and the leaves do that thing where they float and dance around in the air and crunch under foot, I'll soften. When I've baked my first real loaf of banana nut bread and cooked up my first pot of chili, I'll feel better about you. I promise. A new pair of boots wouldn't hurt your case either. And if you really want to seal the deal, throw in a couple pairs of new tights. That might do it. Because you were made for tights and boots. And sweaters. Oh, sweaters. It's all that crisp air, you know. You're sort of famous for it. So I think I'm starting to warm up to the idea of you. Just don't be so stingy with the sunshine. All bets are off when you start messing with my sun.
P.S. you smell good. I'll give you that.

Devoured!

2008-10-07T20:38:00.003-04:00

Landin completed this 784 page book in 6 1/2 hours!!

For those of you who don't know, this is the 3rd book in the Inheritance Cycle, and one of Landin's favorite authors. Mike started reading the 1st book, Eragon when Landin was in second grade. By third grade the 2nd book, Eldest was released and Landin started reading these books on his own. Last year Mike started reading this series to Kian, so the release of the newest book couldn't have come at a better time!

Working hard. . .

2008-10-05T23:08:00.003-04:00

Highs and lows of Middle School:

High: The Friday night dance he went to.

Low: Getting use to homework on the weekend, especially the algebra, ugh!

Kian wanted me to try and get this entered into the Guinness Book of World Records (one of his favorite books) for:

"Most held rubber animals in one small kid hand" I think he held 23 of them!

I told him he may need to settle for self publishing, aka this blog!

Ahh, to be 7 again

Passing Time

2008-09-25T23:35:00.002-04:00

Eight days ago, I was on a plane reading part of, A New Earth. The author talks about the illusions of the past and future, and about how happiness is always found in the moment. At one point, he used a quotation from the Bible, “This too, shall pass.” I’d always heard that scripture in reference to painful events…when people lost a loved one, or went through difficulties. He introduced it as a way of perceiving everything. When a baby is born, when you’re laughing with friends around dinner...this too shall pass. All of a sudden, that temporary space in time, takes on more importance.

Five days ago, I was on vacation looking out of the car window at these amazing views, surrounded by friends who rarely get to be together. When the anticipated days finally come, I feel like everything should be monumental. Then I get up to the actual moment and realize my expectations were my imagination (again). And that what’s real is even better (again). And even the grandest of events, are just made up of lots of Sweet Ordinary. A trip to the grocery store together, a hysterical car ride up the mountain, good conversation over morning coffee, a laugh and a story here and there. What’s grand, is what’s ordinary. And that’s why it’s easy to overlook.

Today I sit here a little melancholy for my friends. Distance between people that care about each other, always feels like a waste. But even in those feelings, I feel a certain contentment because I know I was paying attention while the time was passing. And that's all anyone can ever really do, anyway. Right?

How are you passing the time these days?

Our Trip to Colorado

2008-09-23T00:17:00.008-04:00

Our view from about 30,000 feet

Breckenridge, CO
It's a really great little skiing town with excellent shopping. We'll definitely have to go back some time with the kids and snowboard!

Getting ready for the WVU/CO game in Boulder. Unfortunately they lost, but it was a good time anyway!

A little decompression from school overload!

2008-09-15T21:54:00.004-04:00

This has been a tough couple of weeks on the kids. Of course, I am enjoying having some of my "own" time back-but for them, it's been an overload of new things; people, places, schedules, things to remember, homework to do, etc. Back to school all day everyday meant a roller coaster of emotions from excitement and enthusiasm to hesitation and mini melt-downs. Total brain over-load.

This weekend we just needed a little levity and what better place than outside to do just that? Here are a few snapshots of how my kids blew off a little steam from the pressure-cooker that is the first month of school.

FUMBLE!

On Wednesday, Mike and I are off to Boulder, CO for long weekend with some college friends. We're going to see WVU kick some butt, hopefully, and do some hiking/rafting/horseback riding, who knows at this point, in Breckenridge.

The boys will stay with Grammie for 2 nights and then they are headed to Lancaster, PA with my mom and Dennis to see the Renaissance festival! It should be a great time for all of us, I'll post some shots when I get back.

Summer's End

2008-09-03T14:17:00.007-04:00

This has been a hard post to share. The end of summer is always so bittersweet for me. I love the freedom. I look forward to the ebb and flow of lazy days and exciting adventures. It’s not a huge surprise that summer is my favorite time of year. However, the end of this summer was different. As the new school year slowly crept up on us, I became slightly uneasy. I know that each September will begin a familiar routine. The slow and steady flow of school, homework and extra-circular activities that little by little as the months pass, begins to feel more like a river than a stream only to have the damn break in June to a force that can make it difficult for even the mightiest of moms to remain standing. That is how June can sometimes feel, but this year I’m feeling it in September. As summer come to an end I recognize that it’s not only these last few weeks that are a blur, it’s my son’s childhood. Both of my sons for that matter. The milestones this year feel larger than life as one has just begun Middle School and the other Second grade. Sigh. I know what this is about. It’s the familiar melancholy of motherhood, the passing of time and the growing of the little parts and pieces of my children that remind me that they are getting older. That I am getting older. That they won’t be mine forever.

So, with that introduction of where my head has been lately, I share with you a few (and it was hard to choose since I tok sooo many pictures) of our Ohio Pyle adventures. These are from the last two weekends. We had so much fun the weekend of the 23rd, we went back again for Labor day weekend. What a blast we had.

I hope you are enjoying the end of summer, as you know it!

Ohio Pyle State Park, PA.

A great little place that serves as the gateway to the Laurel Mountains. The focal point of the area is the more than 14 miles of the Youghiogheny [yaw-ki-GAY-nee] River Gorge that passes through the heart of the park. The "Yough", as we call it, provides some of the best whitewater boating in the Eastern U. S. as well as spectacular scenery. There is also a great bike path that runs along side the river!

Our first whitewater rafting experience as a family. The kids absolutely LOVED it, even though Kian fell out of the boat during one of the rapids.

This was so cool. You sit in the creek bed and ride the water through 2 natural water slides in Meadow Run. The kids must have ridden it 20 times last weekend and about 5 times this past weekend.

Morning rays
Last weekend was The Ninth Annual "American Whitewater Ohiopyle Over The Falls Festival" Once a year Ohio Pyle lifts the dam and whitewater paddlers from all over the country can run the race over this 18 foot waterfall. It was amazing to see, but not something I aspire to do, Mike on the other hand, possibly!

An Afternoon Spent. . .

2008-08-19T13:59:00.003-04:00

The boys spent last week participating in camps at the Carnegie Science Center. Landin's was called " Explore Pittsburgh." They got to go to various places around the 'burgh. Landin's favorite was getting a personalized tour of Heinz field, especially the press box and locker room. This just reaffirmed a current interest he has in becoming a sports journalist someday. Kian's camp was called "Super Structures." They created a model city - complete with bridges, windmills and stadiums. This too affirmed an interest/skill Kian has had since he was about 2 - engineering stuff! On the last day of camp, it was such a beautiful day, no one wanted it to end. We decided to grab a snack and my camera and went for a walk. We were on the North Shore, between both stadiums. Here's what they did, here's what I saw. . .

Being silly
and sillier
uncomfortable,

silliness just doesn't come naturally to Landin

The Beach, my favorite place to be!

2008-08-15T10:44:00.008-04:00

O.K, I couldn't resist taking this classic beach shot.

The kids were trying to figure out who was going to get buried in the sand, neither of them really wanted to, but all of us wanted the picture ( O.K I'll be honest, mainly i wanted the picture.) So, Kian said, "I'll do it if you pay me Landin" (smart kid.) Landin said, "O.K I'll give you a dollar." Kian said "No way, 5 dollars." Meanwhile, Mike and I were cracking up and so were the people beside us. This 5 dollar offer razzed Landin a bit and so he said "forget it, you can bury me." Then Kian piped in " Fine Landin, I'll do it for 2 dollars but that's my final offer, deal or no deal" (this is a kid who has never even seen that show, he's just heard people talking about it, marketing at it's finest!)

This is one of my favorite stores in Beach Haven. They have so many cute beach-themed home decor items. I've thought about trying to make a few of these items myself. So, I thought I'd snap a few photos to refresh my memory for days to come. Turns out I liked the photo even better then the decor. Now I don't need to make anything, just buy a frame!

Well, we are back from the beach. A little too soon in my opinion. We had such a nice visit with family and friends. We spent a few days in Atlantic City and a few at Beach Haven, L.B.I. It was a much needed time for relaxing and rejuvenating. For me I enjoyed lounging on the beach and taking as many photos as the boys could stand, but for the boys it was all about the "action." The casinos and the boardwalk were the hot topics that week. Mike had a great time gambling with my dad. Kian also had his hand in there by telling daddy which machines to put his money in. Turns out Kian suggestions were always right on!! Kian was the big winner for the week! Landin thought gambling was cool but didn't want to risk any of his "hard earned money." We stayed at the Borgata and Trump Taj Mahal. I'd def. recommend the Borgata. It's a beautiful Hotel/Casino. The amenities were plentiful too.

Hope you're all finding great ways to spend your summer.

Good 'Ole Summer Fun

2008-07-31T20:10:00.005-04:00

Sandcastle Waterpark

The Deer loved Kian for some reason and he got such a kick out of them licking his hands.

In the beginning of the summer we were sooo busy with baseball and getting the house ready to be put on the market. Finally, since the house is done and baseball is over, we have been able to be carefree and thoroughly enjoy our summer. Most days are spent swimming and playing with friends but a few recent outings we've had were going to the zoo (with my friend Julie, who was visiting from Texas) and going to Sandcastle Waterpark. Our zoo just delivered 2 new baby elephants, we got to see the first one, Angelina, she was so cute! At Sandcastle we rode water slides and played in the wave pool for over 5 hours. It was a blast! We ended the day with one of the kids favorite restaurants, Red Robin. Kian kept saying "I don't want this day to end"

Next week we are off to the beach. I can't wait to get my camera there. I will have one of the most beautiful landscapes to photograph.

I LOVE my new camera!!

2008-07-24T13:44:00.005-04:00

Kian, "finding something to do" while at the Mayors Cup Tournament game that Landin played in on July 19th.

Kian's classic pirate face that he loves to show.

Caught eating berries instead of picking 'em

Kali is one tough cookie, pulling Kian and Logan for a ride.

Like a naturalist in the wilderness with her subjects, I have let my children become so accustomed to my camera, they no longer notice it as a mechanical object. It is an extension of their mother's eye, no more obtrusive to them than my eyeglasses. Just another tool Mom sometimes has to help her see. When its lens takes them in, it is my gaze they perceive and respond to, not the camera (and sometimes their response is to ignore or be silly).
Shooting them has become a form of caress, as natural as reaching out to brush bangs back from their eyes. I see my reach in the photos. There is nothing objective about them. "This is how I see you," is the caption written invisibly on every one. "This is how love sees you." It is how I think we all wish to be seen, all our lives, even when the aperture narrows or is jammed.

During the past few weeks I have had so many opportunities to spend quality time with the kids and my camera (mostly Kian since Landin was away/busy.) It has been so fun and rewarding!

What about you? What portraits reveal an exchange between subject and photographer, the trajectory between the eye of the beholder and the one so carefully held?

How photogenic do you allow yourself to be?

2008-07-24T13:16:00.004-04:00

I once read that "photogenic" is nothing more or less than a measure of the soul's aperture. Children are so photogenic (and so vulnerable) because theirs is open wide. The difference between a photogenic adult and one who is not, is a difference of consent. You cannot "take" a beautiful picture of someone, it must be given, like in this picture of my aunt and her granddaughter. My aunt will be the first to tell you she “does not like her picture taken” but here, it is undeniable that she is allowing me to capture her beautiful moment.

Mike is also allowing me to be a part of his special “Kian and daddy time”

A week of fabulous camps!

2008-07-15T22:50:00.005-04:00

The ginormous water slide.

A nervous and excited smile

Last weekend my baby left us for a whole week! Landin was off to Calvary Camp, in Conneaut, Ohio, on the shores of Lake Erie. This was always a favorite camp of Mike's when he was a child. Landin's days there were spent eating pancakes, playing ultimate frisbee, swimming in the pool, hangin with friends, playing trivia games, drinking (a little) bug juice, singing at campfires, making leather braclets and enjoying lots of competitions. One of his most memorable moments was when he competed in a 400 meter race and placed 5th overall, ages 8-16, and 1st place for the 11-12's. Landin had an amazing time, noted by the fact that he hasn't stopped talking about it since he got home! He was missed by all, but mostly by Kian.

While Landin was away, Kian enjoyed a local camp through the community church we attend. He sang lots of songs, played paint ball, archery, soccer and capture the flag. Slip and slides galore and a ginormous water slide were 2 of the main attractions on water days!

Kian will be old enough next summer to go to Calvary Camp, but will he be ready is the million dollar question??

Happy 4th!

2008-07-07T21:11:00.003-04:00

We love the 4th of July in our house. It usually signifies great BBQ food, homemade fresh picked berry pies, buying tons of fireworks and time spent with family and friends. This year Kian had become completely and utterly obsessed with buying as many fireworks as he could get ANYBODY to buy him (mainly daddy and grandpa Den.) He makes quite a sales pitch, talking your ear off, then you cave; just so he'll zip his lip! When he is into something he is INTO it, no commitment issue there. Once July 5th came he was over it, on to the next holiday I guess.

In awe of one of the greatest fireworks display in the country, downtown Pittsburgh

When it comes to our 2 boys, my husband Mike is much better at entertaining: he will play and do projects with them for, literally, hours. Weekends are usually filled with bike riding, roller blading, hiking, all sports, and doing experiments. If it involves playing, Mike is game on! He's the fun one. If I'm not involved in the activity (it's about a 50/50 chance) I'm often found in the house, creating, reading or tending to the more domestic duties such as laundry, meal preparations, and organizing.

But when it’s time to talk, I’m the go to gal. Every night we spend time reflecting on our day, together, as we discuss our “highs and lows”. This is what I call the "window of opportunity time." They are so eager to share their most intimate thoughts and so receptive to hear your words of wisdom. In the afternoons when I'd pick them up from school, we'd spend some time discussing current events. Subjects can be lighthearted, like what happened that day or why it’s tough to decide which is a better sport, hockey, football, or baseball. But sometimes we talk about much deeper subjects, like how parents will sacrifice things and relationships to protect their kids or why the Golden Rule is so important. I guess Mike and I just love them in our own special way. Thank goodness.

On occasion I have been known to be the chosen “fun” one. I can display a side of silliness that resonates with each of my kiddos. Here is a picture Mike took on our way to the fireworks that captures the lighter side of our relationship.

disclaimer-The shutter speed was really slow due to the low light setting. That's what gives it that moving blurr effect, I thought it was kind of cool, Mike was a little more self critical.

Shots for the "Casting Company"

2008-06-29T23:29:00.006-04:00

We have an acquaintance who is involved with a casting agency here in Pittsburgh. She mentioned that they are looking for kids to be "extras" (and play very small roles) in all the new and upcoming films that are being filmed in our area. The kids caught wind of this and defiantly wanted in! We had some fun taking a few shots to send in with their profile.

Kian is not really this serious very often

Landin looks way to old! He's growing his hair out and has been recently described as having a "Beatles Mop"

Movin' up and out to Kennywood Park!

2008-06-19T23:25:00.009-04:00

At the kids school, it's tradition to go to Kennywood Amusement Park right after their "moving up" ceremony. They all look forward to this. Kian was such a trooper, he went on ALL of the same rides as the 11 and 12 years olds! Occasionally daddy got to ride with him, but mostly the big kids took him under their wings and let him "hang" with them. Kian was in his glory (minus the terrible rash he had developed a few days earlier.) Mike was privileged enough to get the first ride of the day ~ the para-troopers.
Landin and his friend Wesley riding as well.
Kian and the Kennywood mascot. He has come a long way with these sort of things. When he was little he was always scared of mascots. On a rare occasion, when he thought he could handle it, he'd get up the nerve to get close and then bail when they'd try to hug or high-five him. Not anymore. Definitely a sign of growing up.
Just chillin'
The kids went on river rapids 3 times in a row, Kian was totally soaked! Mike had him take his shirt off so he could ring it out

Landin and his 5th grade teacher, Mr. Perkins

Landin's 5th grade class singing at his "moving up" ceremony. June 10, 2008. Landin is the 5th one from the right. His teacher gave them all hats so they could throw them up in the air at the end.

FINALLY, joining the 21st century!

2008-06-19T22:09:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking about doing something like this for over a year now. My dear friend Julie turned me onto this site and well, finally, here we are. I figured the summer would give me some time to reflect and get the kids imput on what to tell you about! Between school, baseball, music, friends and family we are, in one word, BUSY. We are trying to live every moment to the fullest with these little buggers. They are my sunshines.

We have been bit by the baseball bug for the last 2 months and finally it is coming to an end. Unfortunately, there was only 2 combined wins between both Landin and Kian's teams this year. Playoffs started this week and we have 1 win so far!

The kids finished school last week and a successful year was had by all. We officially have a 2nd grader and a 6th grader. I can't believe Landin will be in Middle School! We have all heard it before but it needs repeating, THEY GROW UP TOO FAST.

Every year the kid's school gives out a very special award to the "most thoughtful 5th grader" who demonstrates the motto/crede of the school "think also of the comfort and rights of others." This year that honorable award was given to our sweet Landin! We are so proud of him. There wasn't a dry eye in our family during that ceremony. Landin was polling all of his friends a few days before, as he REALLY wanted his name on the "thoughtfulness" school plaque. We are so happy with their school, they truly enjoy themselves and learn well beyond the "textbook." Here is a link to their website if you feel like checking it out. We feel really blessed to be able to send them there. http://www.winchesterthurston.org/ Once I get a little more savvy with this "blogger" I'll add the video of Landin receiving the award, it was really touching.